My father-in-law passed away. I feel a giant hole in my heart. I understand what led up to it, but I don’t want to accept it. It’s hard for me. Since the moment we left the hospital life has been go go go. I haven’t had time to grieve. My first day back to work was Monday. I did okay my first shift, but my second shift my sugars plummeted and I lost it. I went home and bawled my eyes out and slept for 8 hours. 

Just when life seems to be going well for me something happens. I’m not meant to be happy. I’m starting to accept that. That’s my fate. Being miserable and sick. I just want to run away from it all… I just want to dissapear. If it wasn’t for my fiance I’d 100% hate my life. I’m so sick of struggling. SO sick of it. I try and try to get more hours and get additional jobs and nothing. If I’m supposed to struggle just let me die. Damn. I hate feeling like this.

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