More Illness

So, this past year I had over 50 blood tests done to try and pinpoint why I’ve made a rapid decline. The blood tests showed abnormalities in one category, but was told it could just be normal for me and that we’ll gave to wait and see if more symptoms arise. As if I wasn’t suffering enough already… My life has been taken from me. I just thought I was tired before. Boy was I wrong. My exhaustion has increased what feels like tenfold. The sores in my nose and mouth, the itchy skin/random rashes, the overwhelming sense of impending doom, my hair loss… Just when I thought I was on the road to a better understanding of me a new parade of symptoms mows down what I’ve built.

It’s very hard for me to accept that I’ll be this way the rest of my life. The diabetes? For some reason I could handle that; yeah, okay, cool. But the fibromyalgia and the wait for my lupus diagnosis? I can’t handle this. I’m trying to work, but everyday seems to become more and more difficult. It doesn’t help I’m one person doing the job of two on top of my disabilities. It’s crushing. All I want to do is lay down and go to sleep…for a really long time.

The brain fog is consuming me. I’ve tried opening my locker with the key fob, I’ll be driving and completely forget where I am, or even when I’m shopping, I won’t remember what I’ve eaten or done, I’ll be mid-sentence and forget what I was talking about. The repercussions this may have on my job are terrifying. I manage inventory for the highest shrink department…this ISN’T good. CODE RED. I REPEAT, CODE RED.

I wish I understood why the doctor and practioner wanted to wait for more symptoms before furthering treatment. I just want to be well; or as well as I can be for me. I’m about ready to quit. Quit my job…quit life… I’m just tired to simply put it. Tired and in (A LOT) of pain and confusion.

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